You’ve probably done a lot to get ready. Maybe the nursery is painted. Maybe you’ve read the sleep books, toured the hospital and compared car seats for longer than you’d like to admit. You’ve been preparing for the baby for months.
But has anyone asked how you’re preparing for you?
I hear some version of the same thing from mothers all the time: I wasn’t prepared for how hard this would feel. Not because they didn’t prepare. They did. It’s just that almost everything we’re handed during pregnancy is about the baby, the birth and the logistics. Very little of it is about the person who is becoming a mother.
That’s what this post is about: preparing emotionally for motherhood, not just for the baby. It’s also the heart of Becoming, the guided program I created for the journey into motherhood.
Why does preparing emotionally for motherhood matter?
Pregnancy changes far more than your body. Your sense of identity shifts. Your relationships rearrange themselves, sometimes quietly and sometimes not. Your relationship with your own parents can come back into focus in ways you didn’t expect. Your work, your friendships, your sense of time and freedom all start to move.
None of that means something is wrong. It means something big is happening. There’s even a word for it: matrescence, the developmental transition into motherhood, often compared to adolescence for how much it reshapes a person.
When we don’t prepare for this part, it tends to arrive all at once, usually at 3 am with a newborn. When we do, we still meet the hard. We just meet it with more tools, more self-compassion and a little more room to breathe.
Do I need to be struggling to start therapy or support?
No. That’s the whole point.
So much of the support offered to new parents begins only when things already feel hard. We wait until the anxiety is loud, the sleep deprivation is crushing, or someone else notices. By then, we’re trying to learn new skills in the middle of the storm.
Support doesn’t have to wait for a crisis. You can start while things feel mostly okay, or exciting, or just a little uncertain. If you’ve been wondering whether what you’re feeling is “big enough” for therapy, I wrote about that too. The short answer: if it matters to you, it counts.
What does it look like to prepare for yourself, not just the baby?
There’s no way to prepare for every version of hard. But there are things we can learn and practice now that help us move through it with more awareness, curiosity and compassion. In Becoming, I organize them into five principles.
1. Acknowledge what’s here
Pregnancy can hold joy and grief, excitement and fear, all in the same afternoon. You don’t have to pick one. Practicing making room for all of it, without needing one feeling to cancel out the other, is one of the most protective things you can do for yourself before baby arrives.
2. Curiosity over judgment
Most of us carry expectations about what kind of mother we’ll be, many of them absorbed without noticing. When a thought like “I should be more excited” or “a good mom wouldn’t feel this” shows up, try getting curious instead of critical. Where did that expectation come from? Is it actually yours?
3. Capacity matters
Your nervous system is going to be asked to do a lot. Learning now to notice what’s happening in your mind and body, recognize when you’re running low, and understand what helps you come back to yourself will pay off in the newborn weeks. If this piece resonates, my guide to nervous system regulation for mothers goes deeper.
4. Beginner’s mindset
You don’t have to know how to do this already. Nobody does. Parenthood is one long practice of learning, making mistakes, repairing, adjusting and trying again. Giving yourself permission to be a beginner now makes it much easier to extend that permission to yourself later.
5. Keep becoming
You are not disappearing into motherhood. You’re growing. Staying connected to your values, your identity and your needs, while making room for the ways you’ll keep changing, is how you hold onto yourself through it.
The goal isn’t to be prepared for everything. It’s to have something to come back to when the unexpected comes.
Can therapy help with anxiety during pregnancy?
Yes. Anxiety is one of the most common experiences in pregnancy, at least as common as depression. It can look like constant worry about the baby’s health, trouble sleeping, racing thoughts about the birth, or a low hum of dread you can’t quite name.
Therapy during pregnancy gives that anxiety somewhere to go. We can work with it in the body, not just in your thoughts, so it has less power to follow you into postpartum. Starting now also means you’ll already have a relationship with a therapist if things get harder after birth, which is exactly when many people find it hardest to reach out. You can read more about postpartum anxiety counseling in Denver and the difference between the baby blues and postpartum depression.
What is Becoming?
Becoming is a guided program for the journey into motherhood. It combines guided resources and real-life practices with opportunities for reflection, accountability, individual support and community.
- Explore: guided resources to move through the principles and practices of Becoming.
- Be supported: individual touchpoints for reflection, accountability and making sense of what’s coming up for you.
- Connect: Becoming community experiences and the chance to learn and reflect alongside others.
It’s for anyone who wants to move toward motherhood feeling more grounded. You don’t need a diagnosis, and you don’t need to be struggling. You can begin before baby arrives, and even before pregnancy.
Becoming is different from ongoing counseling. Weekly therapy is there if you want deeper, consistent one-to-one support. Becoming is a guided program with a clear shape, for people who want to prepare with intention. If you’re not sure which fits, that’s exactly what a consultation is for.
What happens at Becoming: Conversation + Coffee?
If you’d like to start small, join me for Becoming: Conversation + Coffee on Wednesday, October 7, from 9:30 to 10:45 am at Novo Coffee, 1200 Clayton Street in Denver.
It’s a casual gathering for pregnant women to connect and have an honest conversation about the part of pregnancy that gets less attention: us. The changes. The unknowns. The excitement. The overwhelm. The identity shift. Space is limited, so save your spot on Luma.
If you’re preparing alongside a partner, Babyproofing Your Relationship is a two-hour class for expecting couples at Belly Bliss. And if this isn’t your first baby, the transition from one child to two at The Den brings its own changes worth preparing for.
How can I start preparing emotionally for motherhood this week?
You don’t need a program to begin. A few small practices can make a real difference:
- Name one feeling a day. Not the one you think you should have. The one that’s actually there.
- Notice one expectation. Write down one “a good mom should…” belief and ask where it came from.
- Check your capacity. A few times a day, pause and ask: how full is my tank right now? What would help, even a little?
- Say it out loud. Tell a partner, a friend or another pregnant person one thing about this transition that has surprised you.
- Find your people early. Community is easier to build before baby arrives. Here’s how to build your community as a mom, plus my list of Denver resources for pregnant and new parents.
How do I find prenatal support in Denver?
Look for a therapist with specific training in perinatal mental health. The PMH-C credential means a clinician has completed specialized perinatal mental health training and certification. I offer maternal and perinatal mental health support in person in Denver and online anywhere in Colorado.
The easiest first step is a consultation. No pressure, no commitment. We’ll talk about what you’re hoping for and whether Becoming, ongoing counseling or both would serve you best.
What if I’m already struggling right now?
If you’re pregnant and living with persistent sadness, anxiety that won’t let up, intrusive thoughts, or a feeling that you’re disappearing, please don’t wait for it to get worse to count. You are welcome here too.
Tell your OB or midwife, and reach out to me here. The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline is free, around the clock, in English and Spanish, by call or text at 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262). You do not have to be in crisis to use it. If you’re thinking about harming yourself or are in immediate danger, call or text 988, or call 911.
We prepare for birth. We prepare for baby. What if we prepared for ourselves, too?
You’re already becoming. You don’t have to do it alone.
About Michelle Paget
Michelle Paget, LCSW, PMH-C, RYT, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, certified perinatal mental health therapist, and registered yoga teacher based in Denver, CO. At Rise & Flow Counseling, her approach is relational and somatic, grounded in the belief that support shouldn’t wait for a crisis.
Ready to start? Book a consultation in Denver or online in Colorado, or learn more about Becoming.