There’s a particular kind of loneliness that shows up in early motherhood. You might be holding your baby at 3 AM, scrolling through your phone while everyone else in the world seems to be asleep, wondering if anyone else feels this isolated. Or maybe you’re at the playground, surrounded by other mothers, but everyone’s on their phones or having surface-level conversations about sleep schedules, and you’re aching for someone to really see you.
Motherhood can feel incredibly lonely, even when you’re never actually alone. It’s one of those contradictions that catches many women off guard—you’re touched constantly, needed every moment, surrounded by little people, and yet you might feel more disconnected than you’ve felt in years.
The truth is, building community as a mother isn’t always easy, but it’s also not optional. Human beings weren’t meant to raise children in isolation. Finding your people—other mothers who get it, who can laugh about the absurdity and cry about the hard parts—can make the difference between barely surviving and actually finding some joy in the journey.
When Did Motherhood Become So Isolating?
It wasn’t always like this. If you look back through history or across cultures, mothers rarely parented alone. Extended family lived nearby or in the same home. Neighbors knew each other. Women gathered while children played together. There was built-in community, for better or worse.
Now? Many mothers live far from family. Neighborhoods are quiet during weekdays. Everyone’s busy, scheduled, moving fast. The casual, drop-by-anytime connections have largely disappeared. Add in the pressure to look like you have it all together, and suddenly real connection feels nearly impossible.
The postpartum period can be especially isolating. Those early weeks and months when you’re home with a newborn, still healing, figuring out feeding, running on no sleep—it’s intense. People visit at first, bringing meals and admiring the baby. But then life moves on for everyone else, while you’re still in the thick of it, often feeling like you’re on a different planet from the rest of the world.
Friends without kids might not understand why you can’t just meet for coffee anymore. Friends with older kids might have forgotten how hard the newborn phase is. And connecting with other new mothers requires energy you simply don’t have when you can barely shower.
But here’s what research keeps showing: connection with other mothers is one of the most important factors in mental health during the postpartum period and beyond. It’s not just nice to have—it genuinely matters for wellbeing.
Why Building a Supportive Community Matters So Much to Us Moms
There’s something specific about connecting with other mothers that’s hard to replicate in other relationships, even close ones.
They normalize your experience. When you admit to another mother that you sometimes fantasize about running away, or that you felt rage when your toddler dumped an entire box of cereal on the floor, or that you’re not sure you’re bonding with your baby the way you’re “supposed to”—and she says, “Oh my god, yes, me too”—it changes something. Suddenly you’re not broken. You’re not the only one. You’re just a mother navigating really hard things.
They offer practical wisdom without judgment. Other mothers know which pediatrician in town actually returns calls, which park has the best toddler equipment, how to survive the grocery store with multiple kids, and a hundred other things that make daily life more manageable. This information sharing happens organically when mothers connect.
They can help in ways that matter. A fellow mother understands that watching your kids for an hour so you can nap isn’t a small favor—it’s a lifeline. She gets why you need to text at midnight. She won’t judge the state of your house or the fact that your kid is eating crackers for lunch again.
They see you as more than just “mom.” Paradoxically, other mothers are often the ones who can help you remember that you’re still a whole person with interests, opinions, and an identity beyond motherhood. They remember what it’s like to feel lost in the role.
The Postpartum Period: When You Need Community Most (Yet it Feels Most Impossible)
Building community during the postpartum period presents a unique challenge. You need support desperately, but you have almost no capacity to seek it out. You’re exhausted, possibly anxious or depressed, maybe not feeling like yourself, and definitely not up for the social performance that meeting new people usually requires.
This is also when you might feel most vulnerable to comparison and judgment. When you’re unsure of yourself as a new mother, it’s easy to look at other mothers and assume they have it together while you’re falling apart. The idea of putting yourself out there, of admitting you’re struggling, can feel terrifying.
And yet, this is precisely when connection matters most. Postpartum depression and anxiety thrive in isolation. They tell you that you’re the only one feeling this way, that something is wrong with you, that you should be able to handle this alone. Community is the antidote to those lies.
So what does building community in the postpartum period actually look like? It might be smaller and simpler than you think.
Small Steps Toward Connection: Making Mom Friends
If you’re in the thick of early motherhood—or any phase that feels overwhelming—the idea of “building community” might sound like one more exhausting task on an impossible list. But connection doesn’t have to mean organizing elaborate playdates or joining multiple groups. It can start very small.
Start where you already are. Is there another mother at your pediatrician’s office? At the grocery store? On your street? Sometimes community begins with simply saying hi, acknowledging that you both have babies the same age, and exchanging numbers “in case we ever want to get coffee.” You might not follow up immediately, and that’s okay. The seed is planted.
Look for local new parent groups. Many hospitals, birth centers, and community organizations offer postpartum support groups, new parent groups, or breastfeeding support groups. These spaces are designed for connection, which can make it easier than trying to force it in other contexts. Everyone there is in a similar season of life.
Try online communities, but choose wisely. Online mother groups can be a lifeline, especially at 2 AM when you’re feeding your baby and feeling alone. But not all online spaces are created equal. Look for communities that emphasize honesty, vulnerability, and mutual support rather than competition or judgment. Local Facebook groups for mothers in your city can be particularly valuable for finding in-person connections.
Accept that early connections might feel awkward. Making new friends as an adult, especially as a mother, can feel strange. The first few conversations might be surface-level or stilted. That’s normal. Keep showing up. Depth takes time.
Be honest about where you are. You don’t have to pretend you have it together. In fact, vulnerability is often what creates real connection. Saying, “I’m really struggling with sleep deprivation” or “I don’t really know what I’m doing” often prompts other mothers to drop their masks too.
Start with just one person. You don’t need to build an entire village at once. Finding one other mother you can text honestly, who gets it, can make an enormous difference.
Beyond the Postpartum Period: Building Community as Kids Grow
As children get older, opportunities for connection often increase—they go to preschool, join activities, play at parks where other kids are around. But building meaningful community still requires some intentionality.
Show up consistently. Community is built through repeated, casual interactions. Going to the same park at the same time, attending regular library story time, or participating in a weekly playgroup creates opportunities for relationships to develop naturally.
Host imperfectly. Inviting other mothers and their kids over doesn’t require a clean house or elaborate snacks. Kids can play in the yard while mothers talk. Ordering pizza counts. Other mothers are usually just grateful for the invitation and relieved that your house is also messy.
Look beyond surface similarities. It’s easy to gravitate toward mothers who seem similar to you—same age, same background, same parenting style. But some of the richest friendships form across differences. Stay open.
Consider structured groups. MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers), Hike it Baby, Stroller Strides, or other mother-focused groups provide both community and structure, which can make connection easier for those who find it intimidating to initiate.
Be the one who’s honest first. If every conversation stays at the surface, someone has to be willing to go deeper. When another mother asks how you are, try answering honestly occasionally: “Honestly, today has been really hard.” You might be surprised how often that opens the door for real conversation.
Make room for mothers in different seasons. While connecting with mothers in the exact same phase can be validating, there’s also value in relationships with mothers ahead of or behind you. Perspective matters. So does the reminder that this phase, however hard, will eventually pass.
When Connection Feels Impossible: Acknowledging the Barriers
Not everyone has equal access to community, and it’s important to acknowledge that reality. Single mothers might have less time and energy for socializing. Mothers working full-time outside the home might miss the weekday park gatherings where connections form. Mothers dealing with postpartum depression or anxiety might lack the energy to reach out. Mothers who are introverted might find the social aspect of community-building genuinely draining.
Some mothers face additional barriers—language differences, cultural disconnection, economic constraints, lack of transportation, living in rural areas without many nearby families, or having children with special needs that make typical playgroups challenging.
If building community feels impossible right now, that doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It might mean that you need support first—perhaps from a postpartum counselor or therapist—before you have the capacity to build connections. It might mean that you need to focus on the one or two relationships you already have rather than trying to create something new. It might mean that online connection is what’s sustainable right now, and that’s enough.
There’s no single right way to build community, and what works varies widely depending on personality, circumstances, and season of life.
What to Do When Community Disappoints
It’s also worth acknowledging that building community doesn’t always go smoothly. You might reach out and not get a response. You might join a group and feel like you don’t fit. You might develop a friendship that fizzles. You might encounter judgment, competition, or the same superficiality you were hoping to escape.
Mothers can sometimes be each other’s harshest critics. Parenting choices—feeding, sleep training, discipline, screen time—can become divisive. What should be a supportive community can sometimes feel like a competition or a place where you have to perform perfection.
If you’ve experienced this, the disappointment is real and valid. But it’s also worth trying again, perhaps in a different space or with different people. Not all mother communities are the same. Keep looking for your people—the ones who lead with empathy, who can laugh at the chaos, who make space for the hard stuff.
The Ripple Effects of Maternal Community
When mothers have community, it changes things. Research shows that maternal mental health improves. Stress decreases. Mothers feel more confident in their parenting. They’re better able to regulate their emotions, which means they’re more present with their children. They model for their children what healthy relationships and mutual support look like.
Community also creates practical resilience. When mothers know and trust each other, they can trade childcare, share resources, provide meals during hard times, offer perspective when someone is spiraling, and show up in the inevitable crises that come with raising humans.
And perhaps most importantly, community breaks the silence around the hard parts. When mothers talk honestly with each other about postpartum depression, mom rage, marital strain, identity loss, and the ambivalence that can coexist with deep love—these experiences lose their power to shame. They become part of the normal, human experience of motherhood.
You Deserve Connection Mama
If you’re reading this while feeling isolated, please know: you’re not alone in feeling alone. So many mothers are experiencing the same thing, often just blocks away from each other, all wondering if anyone else understands.
You deserve community. You deserve friends who see you, support you, and remind you that you’re more than the hard day you’re having. You deserve to laugh with other mothers about the absurdity of keeping tiny humans alive. You deserve people you can text at midnight, people who will watch your kids so you can take a nap, people who know your real story and don’t judge.
Building that community might take time and effort you’re not sure you have. It might require vulnerability that feels risky. But it’s worth it. You can’t do this alone, and you were never meant to.
If isolation is contributing to postpartum depression, anxiety, or overwhelm, working with a postpartum therapist or counselor for women who understands the importance of community can be a good first step. Sometimes we need individual support before we have the capacity to build collective support. Both matter.
Whether you’re in the early postpartum period or years into motherhood, whether you’re in Denver or anywhere else, finding your people is possible. It might not happen overnight, and it might not look like what you imagined. But somewhere out there are other mothers who need you just as much as you need them.
You just have to start reaching out.
About Rise & Flow Counseling | Michelle Paget, MA, LPC, PMH-C
Rise & Flow Counseling, located in Denver, Colorado, specializes in supporting mothers through the emotional challenges of parenthood. Michelle Paget, MA, LPC, PMH-C (Licensed Professional Counselor and Perinatal Mental Health Certified), understands that isolation, overwhelm, and disconnection are common experiences in motherhood—and that meaningful connection and support can be transformative.
At Rise & Flow Counseling, mothers find a space where they can be honest about their struggles without fear of judgment. Michelle provides compassionate, evidence-based therapy for postpartum depression, anxiety, mom rage, and the complex emotions of motherhood. Through mindful counseling approaches that honor both the challenges and the resilience of mothers, Michelle helps women navigate this demanding season with more support, self-compassion, and connection.
Are you feeling isolated, overwhelmed, or disconnected as a mother? You don’t have to navigate this alone. Rise & Flow Counseling offers specialized support for mothers in Denver and throughout Colorado through both in-person and online counseling for women. Michelle Paget provides a warm, validating space where your experiences are honored and your wellbeing is prioritized. If you’re struggling with postpartum challenges, finding it hard to connect with others, or simply feeling like you need support, reach out today. Contact Rise & Flow Counseling to schedule a free consultation.
Connection and support are possible, and you deserve both.
Address: 800 Grant St Suite 340, Denver, CO 80203
Phone: (917) 409-7042
Book Online: https://michellepagettherapy.com/contact
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