When your nervous system just can’t calm down…
Does this sound familar?
Your baby is finally asleep. You’ve been waiting for this moment all day—the chance to rest, to breathe, maybe even close your eyes for a few minutes. But instead of relaxing, your body feels wired. Instead, your mind races through tomorrow’s to-do list. Your jaw is clenched. Your shoulders are up by your ears. Sleep feels impossible even though you’re exhausted.
Or maybe it’s the opposite. Your toddler asks you a simple question and suddenly you’re yelling with an intensity that startles both of you. Where did that come from? You weren’t even that angry a second ago.
These moments—the ones where your body and emotions seem to have a mind of their own—often have less to do with your parenting and more to do with your nervous system. And while “nervous system regulation” might sound like therapy jargon, it’s actually about understanding why your body reacts the way it does and learning some surprisingly simple ways to help yourself feel more steady.
Moms and Mental Load: How it Affects Your Nervous System
Think about what your body goes through as a mother. You’re woken up multiple times a night (or you don’t sleep at all in those early newborn days). You’re listening for cries, monitoring breathing, making sure no one falls or chokes or wanders into danger. Your brain is constantly scanning for threats to your baby, which is beautiful and protective but also exhausting.
Then add the mental load—remembering appointment times, tracking developmental milestones, planning meals, managing schedules. Add the physical demands—carrying, bending, nursing, cleaning. Add the emotional weight—worry, guilt, the pressure to get everything right.
Your nervous system, which is designed to handle short bursts of stress followed by recovery, starts running in overdrive. It’s like your body gets stuck with its foot on the gas pedal, unable to find the brake.
The nervous system has different “modes” it operates in. There’s the accelerated mode—where your heart pounds, your breathing quickens, and you’re ready to respond to danger. This is the part that helped our ancestors escape predators. In modern motherhood, it activates when your baby cries, when your toddler runs toward the street, when you’re late and everyone is melting down.
Then there’s the rest mode—where your body can actually digest food, heal, connect with others, and feel calm. This is where you’re supposed to spend most of your time.
But for many mothers, especially in the postpartum period, the body gets stuck in that accelerated mode. Even when there’s no immediate danger, your system stays activated. Or sometimes it swings to the opposite extreme—a kind of shutdown where you feel numb, disconnected, or completely depleted.
Neither feels good. And neither is a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s a sign that your body is doing its best to protect you, but it needs some help getting back to balance.
Postpartum Depression and Anxiety Symptoms
The postpartum period deserves its own mention here because it’s such a vulnerable time for nervous system overwhelm. After birth, a mother’s brain actually changes. The part that scans for danger gets more sensitive, which makes sense—you need to be attuned to your helpless newborn. But it also means you’re more easily activated by anything that seems like a potential threat.
Sleep deprivation alone is enough to dysregulate anyone’s nervous system. Add recovering from birth, hormonal shifts, the identity earthquake of becoming a mother, and often significant isolation, and you have a perfect recipe for a system that can’t settle.
Some mothers describe feeling like they’re vibrating with anxiety all the time. Others feel rage bubbling just under the surface. Some feel nothing at all, moving through the motions in a fog. All of these can be signs that your nervous system needs support.
What Nervous System Dysregulation Actually Feels Like
Sometimes it’s hard to recognize when your nervous system is struggling because you’ve been operating this way for so long it feels normal. But here are some signs:
You can’t fall asleep even when you’re exhausted, or you wake up at the slightest sound. You feel irritable about things that normally wouldn’t bother you. Your body holds tension—tight jaw, sore shoulders, headaches. Your mind races and you can’t focus. Small sounds (your baby crying, your partner chewing) feel unbearable. You cry easily or feel nothing at all. You have digestive issues or other physical symptoms that don’t have a clear medical cause.
Maybe you find yourself constantly checking on your sleeping baby, unable to trust that they’re okay. Or you feel disconnected from your baby or partner, like you’re watching your life from outside your body.
These aren’t character flaws. They’re your nervous system sending up flares saying, “I need help getting back to balance.”
Somatic Techniques: Working With Your Body
Here’s something that can feel counterintuitive: you can’t think your way into feeling calm. When your nervous system is activated, telling yourself to relax or trying to rationalize your way out of anxiety rarely works. You have to work with your body.
Somatic techniques are really just fancy words for using your body to shift your emotional state. They’re practical, often quick, and don’t require any special equipment or training.
Your Breath Is Always With You
When you’re stressed, your breathing gets quick and shallow, usually up in your chest. This actually signals to your brain that you’re in danger, which keeps the stress cycle going. By deliberately changing how you breathe, you can interrupt that cycle.
Try this when you notice yourself getting activated: Put one hand on your belly. Breathe in slowly through your nose for a count of four, letting your belly expand like a balloon. Pause. Then breathe out slowly through your mouth for a count of six or even eight. The key is making the exhale longer than the inhale.
You don’t need to do this for long—even five or six breaths can shift something. You can do it while nursing, while your kids are eating lunch, while you’re waiting at a stoplight. No one even needs to know you’re doing it.
Noticing Where You Hold Tension
Stress lives in our bodies, often in places we don’t even realize. Scanning through your body helps you notice where you’re holding tension so you can consciously release it.
Starting at the top of your head, slowly move your attention down—your forehead, jaw, neck, shoulders, chest, belly, hips, legs, feet. Just notice. Where do you feel tight? Where does it hurt? Don’t try to fix anything yet, just pay attention.
Then go back to those tight spots and breathe into them. Imagine the tension melting with each exhale. Sometimes just becoming aware of how tightly you’re clenching your jaw is enough for it to soften.
Tensing and Releasing
This one can feel a bit silly, but it works. Deliberately tense a muscle group—curl your toes tightly for five seconds, then release. Squeeze your fists, then let go. Scrunch your shoulders up to your ears, then drop them.
Work through your whole body this way. The contrast between tension and release helps your body remember what relaxed actually feels like.
Grounding Yourself in the Present
Anxiety often pulls you into worrying about the future or replaying the past. Grounding techniques bring you back to right now, which is usually where you have the most control.
One simple version: Look around and name five things you can see. Four things you can touch. Three things you can hear. Two things you can smell. One thing you can taste. This engages your senses and interrupts the anxiety spiral.
Or try this: Stand with your feet firmly on the ground. Really push your feet into the floor and notice the solid support beneath you. Press your hands against a wall and feel your own strength.
Moving the Energy
Anger and anxiety are both energy that needs somewhere to go. Instead of keeping it bottled up or directing it at your kids, you can discharge it through movement.
After a hard moment—a tantrum, an argument, a near-miss scare—let your body move. Shake out your hands and arms. Stomp your feet. Dance to a song you love. Go for a quick walk. Do jumping jacks in your kitchen.
Animals do this instinctively after a stressful event—they literally shake it off. We can do the same.
The Power of Touch
Placing your hand on your own heart or wrapping your arms around yourself in a hug might seem too simple to matter, but touch releases oxytocin, even when it’s self-touch. It activates your body’s soothing system.
You can also try gently tapping on alternating sides of your body—left shoulder, right shoulder, left thigh, right thigh. This bilateral movement can be remarkably calming.
Cold Water for Quick Reset
When you’re really activated and need something immediate, temperature can help. Splash cold water on your face, hold ice cubes in your hands, or take a cold shower if you can. The shock of cold activates your parasympathetic system (the calming side) and can interrupt an anxiety or rage spiral.
Building These Into Your Day
The most helpful approach isn’t saving these techniques for crisis moments. It’s weaving tiny practices into your regular day so your baseline stress stays lower.
Before you get out of bed, take five slow breaths. Every time you wash your hands or use the bathroom, pause for three deep breaths. When you’re nursing or bottle-feeding, do a quick body scan. Before bed, spend two minutes doing progressive muscle relaxation.
These micro-moments add up. And they work better than trying to meditate for 20 minutes when you’re already completely overwhelmed (and don’t have 20 minutes anyway).
When You Need More Support: Perinatal Counseling
Sometimes self-regulation techniques help, but they’re not enough on their own. If you’re experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety, if you had a traumatic birth, if you’re struggling to bond with your baby, if your rage or worry feels unmanageable—working with a postpartum counselor who understands nervous system work can make a real difference.
Therapy, especially mindful counseling that integrates somatic approaches, offers a space to process what you’re carrying while also learning practical regulation skills. A counselor for women who specializes in the postpartum period understands that this isn’t about trying harder or thinking more positively. It’s about getting support while your system learns to settle again.
For mothers in Denver and throughout Colorado, finding a therapist who gets the particular challenges of this season can provide both relief and practical tools for navigating it.
Learning How to Calm Your Nervous System Helps Your Children Learn Too
One thing worth mentioning: when you learn to regulate your own nervous system, you’re also teaching your children. Kids learn emotional regulation by watching and experiencing it with their caregivers. When you can calm yourself down, when you model taking deep breaths or taking a break when you’re upset, your children absorb those lessons.
This doesn’t mean you need to be perfectly calm all the time. That’s impossible and not even desirable. It means developing the capacity to notice when you’re activated and having tools to help yourself. And when you do lose it (which every parent does), you can repair—apologize, explain that you got overwhelmed, and show them that people can make mistakes and recover.
Your Nervous System Isn’t Broken: Somatic Exercises and Therapy Helps
If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself in these descriptions, please hear this: there’s nothing wrong with you. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it’s designed to do when faced with chronic stress and insufficient support. The problem isn’t you—it’s the conditions you’re trying to survive in.
Learning about your nervous system and practicing somatic techniques isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about working with your body instead of against it. It’s about giving your system the signals of safety it’s desperately seeking so you can move from constant survival mode to actually being present in your life.
Motherhood is hard enough. You deserve tools that actually help. You deserve to feel steady in your own body. And you deserve support when you need it.
About Rise & Flow Counseling | Michelle Paget, MA, LPC, PMH-C
Rise & Flow Counseling, located in Denver, Colorado, specializes in supporting mothers through the complex emotions of parenting, with an emphasis on managing overwhelm, anxiety, anger, and finding balance. Led by Michelle Paget, MA, LPC, PMH-C (Licensed Professional Counselor and Perinatal Mental Health Certified), the practice offers compassionate, evidence-based therapy for women navigating postpartum anxiety, depression, mom rage, and the challenges of early motherhood.
Michelle understands that becoming a mother changes everything—your identity, your relationships, your body, and your sense of self. At Rise & Flow Counseling, mothers find a judgment-free space to process their experiences, learn practical tools for nervous system regulation, and rediscover themselves in the midst of caring for others. Offering mindful counseling approaches that integrate somatic techniques, cognitive-behavioral strategies, and genuine human connection, Rise & Flow helps mothers move from surviving to thriving.
Are you struggling with postpartum anxiety, feeling constantly overwhelmed, or finding it hard to regulate your emotions? You don’t have to navigate this alone. Rise & Flow Counseling offers specialized support for mothers in Denver and throughout Colorado through in-person and online counseling. Michelle Paget provides a warm, understanding space where your experiences are validated and your wellbeing matters. Contact Rise & Flow Counseling today to schedule a free consultation and take the first step toward feeling more regulated, connected, and like yourself again.
You deserve support. Your mental health matters.
Address: 800 Grant St Suite 340, Denver, CO 80203
Phone: (917) 409-7042
Book Online: https://michellepagettherapy.com/contact
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